Seizures are awful...they completely take everything out of Ron.
We have tried to control them with medication but he still has them when he is stressed. He had a doctor's appointment yesterday and he was doing great, got to the van really strong. Then in the doctor's office he had a seizure...I feel so helpless when these happen. He was feeling good so we got him in his wheelchair and back home...then I couldn't get him in the house. I had one of our neighbours come and get him up the stairs in his wheelchair...praise God Chris was home!!!
There are times when I'm so angry, as if it isn't bad enough that Ron has cancer...but he is also blind, can't walk unassisted, has seizures and gets so confused. I'm not sure why we are going through this, it is so hard to see Ron like this. Some days the blessings aren't so clear.
I look at our life and what is has become, I would never believe that something like this has happened to us. I long for the days when we could just go for a walk, go for a drive, have a picnic...just be a normal family. I never realized how much I took the simple pleasures in life for granted.
This is a pretty downer post, but I'm not feeling so positive today. I try and always sound positive to Ron, but sometimes I just like to let things out.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Chemo
Ron's chemo finished on Sunday, it wasn't as easy this month as it has been. I understand that the drug can build up in the body, that would explain this month. Ron was a bit nauseous (never happened before), and really really tired.
When anything different happens I go through the fear that something is changing with is tumor. He has been sleeping quite a bit lately and if it continues I think I'll have to call the doctor, I'm thinking that it is still from his chemo...but I hope it doesn't continue too much longer.
I had a wonderful visit with my sister this weekend, I was so sad when she left...I just love my family. They have been such a huge support system going through all of this.
Just a short post today, not too much else going on.
When anything different happens I go through the fear that something is changing with is tumor. He has been sleeping quite a bit lately and if it continues I think I'll have to call the doctor, I'm thinking that it is still from his chemo...but I hope it doesn't continue too much longer.
I had a wonderful visit with my sister this weekend, I was so sad when she left...I just love my family. They have been such a huge support system going through all of this.
Just a short post today, not too much else going on.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Ups and Downs
Wow I'm about done with this roller coaster!!
I haven't posted anything in a while, sometimes I feel like all I want to do is whine about what is going on...then sometimes things seem pretty good.
Today had everything in it...the weather has been so amazing the last couple of days and Ron loves to get out on the deck and enjoy the fresh air. Today I got him a lounger so he'd be more comfortable...he loved it. We were able to spend the afternoon together outside, Michaela playing on her swing set, me planting some flowers and Ron relaxing. We BBQ'd for dinner and ate outside...it was great. Then getting Ron back in the house was quite an ordeal. He was feeling pretty weak so it took us a while to get him to his recliner ( he had to use his walker to get there). Then at bedtime it took a few attempts to get there, the weakness is tough to deal with. Ron is a big guy and when he goes down I can't do that much to help him. It is so hard to see him like that, he gets so confused at the same time...tough to deal with.
We are starting his 3rd cycle of chemo this Wednesday, it takes a lot out of him but at least he doesn't get nauseous.
The best is my sister is coming to visit me this weekend...I'm so excited to see her again (she lives on Vancouver Island). She has been such an amazing spiritual support to me during this time. We're going to have a big BBQ on Sunday while she is here...I just love when my family comes to visit!!
Well I think I'll leave it on this high note...Good Night!!
I haven't posted anything in a while, sometimes I feel like all I want to do is whine about what is going on...then sometimes things seem pretty good.
Today had everything in it...the weather has been so amazing the last couple of days and Ron loves to get out on the deck and enjoy the fresh air. Today I got him a lounger so he'd be more comfortable...he loved it. We were able to spend the afternoon together outside, Michaela playing on her swing set, me planting some flowers and Ron relaxing. We BBQ'd for dinner and ate outside...it was great. Then getting Ron back in the house was quite an ordeal. He was feeling pretty weak so it took us a while to get him to his recliner ( he had to use his walker to get there). Then at bedtime it took a few attempts to get there, the weakness is tough to deal with. Ron is a big guy and when he goes down I can't do that much to help him. It is so hard to see him like that, he gets so confused at the same time...tough to deal with.
We are starting his 3rd cycle of chemo this Wednesday, it takes a lot out of him but at least he doesn't get nauseous.
The best is my sister is coming to visit me this weekend...I'm so excited to see her again (she lives on Vancouver Island). She has been such an amazing spiritual support to me during this time. We're going to have a big BBQ on Sunday while she is here...I just love when my family comes to visit!!
Well I think I'll leave it on this high note...Good Night!!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Relay for Life
Wow what an amazing day. Ron was able to make it out for the first lap of the relay, it is for Survivors and People Living with Cancer. My brother, SIL, niece, and two sisters came out to support Ron...it was so amazing.
It was such an emotional morning, Ron got to see so many people he hasn't spoken to since he's gotten sick. His Doctor did the opening speech and even said during it how pleased he was that Ron was able to make it. We got a ton of pictures, here is one of Ron with his mom (who is also a survivor) and Michaela.
Ron said this was the best day he's had since he got sick...wow that really brought tears to my eyes. There were so many people out to see him, he is so loved by so many people...I mean who visits their bank manager when he is sick!! One of his customers said she loves him like he was one of her children...Ron's boss actually flew up from Kamloops to participate.
This is an event that we have been involved in for so many years and we've always enjoyed it, it is amazing the significance it takes on when you are so affected by cancer.
Ron said the best thing to some of the girls he works with, he said don't ever take for granted the things you have. You never know when something like this could affect your life, we all hope and pray never.
Oh and an amazing thing happened while we were there. They had a draw for everyone registered for the first lap and Ron won a 4 day Pacific Coastal "Survivors at Sea" Cruise. Isn't that awesome, I'm not sure where it goes but we take off from Seattle so it includes our airfare to Vancouver and hotel and a shuttle to Seattle to get on the ship. So I told Ron that he had better be feeling better by then because I want to go!!!
It continually amazing me that even while we are going through something has horrible as this God still blesses us...I know some people may have a hard time seeing it...but we are so blessed by so many things!!
It was such an emotional morning, Ron got to see so many people he hasn't spoken to since he's gotten sick. His Doctor did the opening speech and even said during it how pleased he was that Ron was able to make it. We got a ton of pictures, here is one of Ron with his mom (who is also a survivor) and Michaela.Ron said this was the best day he's had since he got sick...wow that really brought tears to my eyes. There were so many people out to see him, he is so loved by so many people...I mean who visits their bank manager when he is sick!! One of his customers said she loves him like he was one of her children...Ron's boss actually flew up from Kamloops to participate.
This is an event that we have been involved in for so many years and we've always enjoyed it, it is amazing the significance it takes on when you are so affected by cancer.
Ron said the best thing to some of the girls he works with, he said don't ever take for granted the things you have. You never know when something like this could affect your life, we all hope and pray never.
Oh and an amazing thing happened while we were there. They had a draw for everyone registered for the first lap and Ron won a 4 day Pacific Coastal "Survivors at Sea" Cruise. Isn't that awesome, I'm not sure where it goes but we take off from Seattle so it includes our airfare to Vancouver and hotel and a shuttle to Seattle to get on the ship. So I told Ron that he had better be feeling better by then because I want to go!!!
It continually amazing me that even while we are going through something has horrible as this God still blesses us...I know some people may have a hard time seeing it...but we are so blessed by so many things!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Good Day
Well today was a good day.
After lunch I was able to take Ron out for a bit, we went to Canadian Tire (yeah I know really exiting), best of all he was able to go to the bank and visit. For those who don't know, Ron is the manager of the CIBC (Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce) here. He was quite emotional when we got there, he hasn't been there since he became sick.
We did have a bit of a stumble when I was getting him back in the van, luckily a fellow driving by came and helped me get him in. Other than that no problems and Ron felt so good getting out and doing something. He didn't even have a problem getting up the stairs into the house.
He has finished his second round of chemo, the Dr. has said he will be doing twelve cycles...so this is just the beginning. We did start a new anti seizure medication last week just to try and keep the breakthrough seizures under control...so far it has worked wonders...no seizures since last Thursday!!
This Saturday we have the Relay for Life, the bank's team is Rockin' Ronnies Runners. We are really looking forward to it...hopefully the weather will be nice that day. Ron and I will be walking the first lap for cancer survivors, those in the battle and caregivers.
Please continue to hold Ron up in prayer, especially for his eyesight, he is really struggling with that.
After lunch I was able to take Ron out for a bit, we went to Canadian Tire (yeah I know really exiting), best of all he was able to go to the bank and visit. For those who don't know, Ron is the manager of the CIBC (Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce) here. He was quite emotional when we got there, he hasn't been there since he became sick.
We did have a bit of a stumble when I was getting him back in the van, luckily a fellow driving by came and helped me get him in. Other than that no problems and Ron felt so good getting out and doing something. He didn't even have a problem getting up the stairs into the house.
He has finished his second round of chemo, the Dr. has said he will be doing twelve cycles...so this is just the beginning. We did start a new anti seizure medication last week just to try and keep the breakthrough seizures under control...so far it has worked wonders...no seizures since last Thursday!!
This Saturday we have the Relay for Life, the bank's team is Rockin' Ronnies Runners. We are really looking forward to it...hopefully the weather will be nice that day. Ron and I will be walking the first lap for cancer survivors, those in the battle and caregivers.
Please continue to hold Ron up in prayer, especially for his eyesight, he is really struggling with that.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Forgiveness
The beginning of this journey started with intense anger...not because of Ron's tumor but because of an uncaring doctor who repeatedly told Ron his headaches were caused by stress.
Last night Ron and I were talking about this and whether or not it was worth our while to seek legal advise. I was talking to a wonder friend about this today and she gave me some very good advise...forgive him.
We have held on to this anger for months now, I think it is time to let it go. Keeping such bitterness in our hearts really holds us back from growing in our faith and truly holds Ron back from God's healing touch.
Last night Ron and I were talking about this and whether or not it was worth our while to seek legal advise. I was talking to a wonder friend about this today and she gave me some very good advise...forgive him.
We have held on to this anger for months now, I think it is time to let it go. Keeping such bitterness in our hearts really holds us back from growing in our faith and truly holds Ron back from God's healing touch.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Missing my Life
I think there are times where I'm too positive...I know, I know...how can you be too positive.
I'm always the one who says things are great, Ron is doing so well...everything is just wonderful. It isn't always that way...today was one of those days. Ron had a seizure when we were heading out in the afternoon, we went for a walk yesterday and it was great... he didn't make it out today. My brother and his family were here for dinner tonight and Ron was really fighting a seizure...he didn't go right into it but came pretty close.
It is hard, it is so hard to watch a once strong man who took care of his family have to be helped up and back into a chair. The fact that he can't be left on his own because of his blindness and mobility issues. It is hard to try and balance myself between my daughter and my husband. Trying to see that Michaela doesn't miss too much because of Ron's illness I don't want her resenting her daddy because she can't do some things.
Don't get me wrong, I know all of the things I have to be thankful for. I have a loving supportive family, a wonderful church family and a loving caring God. But I miss my life from 6 months ago, I miss what we had, I miss being carefree...I miss Ron.
I'm always the one who says things are great, Ron is doing so well...everything is just wonderful. It isn't always that way...today was one of those days. Ron had a seizure when we were heading out in the afternoon, we went for a walk yesterday and it was great... he didn't make it out today. My brother and his family were here for dinner tonight and Ron was really fighting a seizure...he didn't go right into it but came pretty close.
It is hard, it is so hard to watch a once strong man who took care of his family have to be helped up and back into a chair. The fact that he can't be left on his own because of his blindness and mobility issues. It is hard to try and balance myself between my daughter and my husband. Trying to see that Michaela doesn't miss too much because of Ron's illness I don't want her resenting her daddy because she can't do some things.
Don't get me wrong, I know all of the things I have to be thankful for. I have a loving supportive family, a wonderful church family and a loving caring God. But I miss my life from 6 months ago, I miss what we had, I miss being carefree...I miss Ron.
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